It can be difficult to rebound during an ordeal you feel ill equipped for. Indeed I guess ordeals can make you or break you. As Jared continues with his stint in the hospital I have found myself at times teetering on the fence, not knowing which side I would fall on.
No one told me that motherhood would be so painful at times. Perhaps they did and I did not listen.
I've developed a fairly thick skin during my short life so when I am told my household is not structured enough for Jared I take it like I should.....as constructive criticism. Well, sort of. Actually I felt like saying, "excuse me?", but then realizing that this is coming from medical staff that provide stellar structure for a living. I understood what they meant. I just didn't like hearing it.
I don't need to turn my home into a boot camp, but I see the need for me to provide more consistent expectations and rewards. We did this all weekend and it's the best weekend we've had in a long time.
Personally I am wiped. It took a lot out of me and there were some things I wanted to accomplish personally that I didn't. Still, I am happy with these past few days and hope they made an impact on Jared in a positive way. Now I have to figure out how to do this without alienating my other three boys.
It was also empowering. No one likes to feel helpless, myself included. I felt like a contributor to Jared's health and that we made good strides together.
He hates to go back to the hospital, but once he is there he is not asking to go home like he used to. I think some good things are coming from the medications he is on and it looks like an Autism screening will be coming in the new year. I am happy about that. Autism spectrum has been the elephant in the room for years, but until now I haven't met a doctor that agreed with the possibility. If Jared is, he would be on the very low end of the scale. We will have to go to the "big city" for that. I look forward to it so we can verify the possibility or put it to rest for good.
We can handle this.