To my beloved boys,
As I folded your laundry today, I was reminded of some things that have bothered me for some time now. I feel that I must tell you how troubled I have been about the issues surrounding your clothing.
Now you know I love you all. I cherish you. I just have some things to get off my chest so that I will not feel animosity towards you. I know you are still young and have a lot to learn. I hope you will find it in your hearts to listen to what I am saying and to accept my pleas.
Stop growing so fast. I know this is what you do at your ages. You grow. You stretch up and out. You add bulk to your frame. I get this. I really do, but do you have to do it so fast??
When you were small it wasn't as big of an issue. You didn't really care what you wore and so clothes could be passed down from child to child with relative ease. When did you all decide to have different tastes in clothes? Why aren't stripes good enough for all of you? What is so bad about the color green? Shirts with collars are cool too.
With this constant growing, clothes are not wearing out fast enough and the next child is not keen on the hand-me-downs because it's not their style. I feel I am falling behind. The only solution is for you to stop with these constant growth spurts. Stay one size for a year instead of 3 months. James, stop growing taller. This is insane!!!
Now I am also at a loss as to why you can change your socks twice a day but your underwear twice a week. I have lamented this fact in the past, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Lack of spillage does not constitute clean underwear. I rejoice when the dryer produces an abundance of boxer briefs. I know you are all getting older and I don't want to nag. Please make an effort; baby steps if necessary. I would be grateful.
As I said at the beginning of this letter, I love you all dearly. You encompass a large portion of my world. I feel the weight of being responsible for your upbringing and the kind of men you will become. I hope you always remember that I want the best for you.